January 30, 2021:   (Post #59)

(From Journal #8:  February 24, 2007)

I’m at the beach with a group of ladies.  One of my friends and her husband built a beautiful house right on the coast.  After going through immunotherapy again, I’m so grateful to have this time away to just rest in You and fellowship with my friends.

This morning as I walked on the beach looking for shells, You taught me another life lesson.  We, like the shells, are made by You.  We were created to be whole and perfect, each beautiful in its own way – all shapes, sizes and colors.  But life, bad choices, even things out of our control, beat us up and we can be broken.  Even if only a tiny piece is on the beach, it’s still pretty to someone (You) who will pick it up and make something beautiful with it.  It still has value and worth.  What some will walk by, another will stop and gather.  They see something in that broken shell that someone else doesn’t. Some shells even mold together, similar to how we get help and support from others.  

Thank You for this revelation, Lord.  I am always humbled by the size and power of the ocean and yet You created it and hold it in the palm of Your hand!  How big is my God! 

Isaiah 40:12:  Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, measured heaven with a span and calculated the dust of the earth in a measure? Weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance?

Psalm 34:18:  The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 51:17:  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

September 13, 2020  (Post #49)

(From Journal #5:  March 28, 2006)

A few days ago on a Christian TV show, a couple of teachers said we should be seeing more of the miraculous today.  I agree with them because You said in John 14:12-14:  “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.”  

This hit home because recently I’ve been attacked by frightening symptoms again regarding my heart.  I am standing on Your Word that I am healed of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and my heart is fine.  But I confess I questioned if my faith is weak or hindered by unbelief as the reason I’ve not seen the miraculous full manifestation of healing?  You’ve been taking me on this study of “Seeing is Believing” so why wasn’t I “seeing” the results?  A couple of days later, You gave me some insight on another Christian TV show.  This pastor’s sermon was “Power follows Passion.”

He taught about how those who had a passion for You and pursued You no matter what, received power in their lives. This bore witness with my spirit on what you showed me before about “forceful men lay hold of it.” He said that when we’re down to nothing, You’re up to something!  He gave examples of people with passion who had seasons of nothing before their breakthroughs (like Joseph).  But they kept their passion for the Lord, and the power came.  This really blessed me.

Another good point he made jumped out at me.  The woman with the issue of blood was the first to receive healing by touching Jesus’ garment.  Everyone else either had hands laid on them, or Jesus spoke a word.  She, because of her passion, kept pursuing Jesus and when she touched him, He felt the power go out of Him to heal her.  I’d never really thought about it, but women were the ones who often had the passion to pursue Jesus.  This woman did; there was the woman who was willing to eat crumbs off the floor, and of course Mary Magdeline.  

I never want to lose passion for You, Lord.  I’ve seen the difference in my life and I don’t want to go back.  No matter how long it takes, I’m not letting go of Your garment.

Luke 8:43-48:  Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped.  And Jesus said, “Who touched Me?”  When all denied it, Peter and those with him said, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’ ”But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.” Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately. And He said to her, “Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”

Matthew 11:12:  “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.”

September 6, 2020  (Post #48)

(From Journal #4:  March 24, 2006)

As I continue to study “seeing is believing” it is striking at how most forgot the miracles they witnessed, even John the Baptist…the one who baptized Jesus! It seems if anyone would never waver, it would be him.  And yet, while imprisoned he sent his disciples to ask Jesus in Matthew 11:3 …“Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?”  Jesus’ response to the disciples was to go back and remind John what he had heard and seen.  In other words, he had witnessed enough to know that Jesus is the Messiah.  This also shows me that all of us can fall into doubt and unbelief if we focus on our problems rather than reflect on what we have seen.  

Jesus rebuked the cities in which most of His miracles had been done because they would not believe what they had seen and repent.  There were those who saw Your miracles and marveled and believed, but it was the religious leaders, the Pharisees and the Sadducees who saw the same things, yet rejected You and asked for more “signs.”  They had “eyes of darkness.”  Jesus said cities that had been destroyed due to their wickedness would have repented in sackcloth and ashes if they had seen Jesus’ miracles!  The people and cities who saw and yet would not believe are without excuse.  That’s true for us today.

In John 4:46-54, a nobleman whose son was dying went to find Jesus and asked him to come heal his son. He wanted to “see” this.  Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your son lives.”  So the man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him, and he went his way.  And as he was now going down, his servants met him and told him, saying, “Your son lives!”  Then he inquired of them the hour when he got better.  And they said to him, “Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him.  So the father knew that it was at the same hour in which Jesus said to him, “Your son lives.”  And he himself believed, and his whole household. Just like the centurion, this man “believed without seeing.”

I think of the formula “If A=B, and B=C, then A=C.”  If “seeing is believing” then “believing is seeing.”  IS is a verb of being:  God is I AM, therefore, I AM is God!

Lord, help me hold on to this as I battle non-Hodgkins lymphoma, and life in general which is full of hardships.  Help me to…

• See and believe in the present
• Remember what I have seen and believed in the past
• Believe without seeing in the future.

August 29, 2020   (Post #47)

(From Journal #4:   March 22, 2006)

Lord, there are two accounts in Matthew where You healed the blind, and asked them interesting, yet very different questions?  

To the first men who kept following You and crying out for mercy, You asked in Matthew 9:27-29, …“Do you believe that I am able to do this?”  They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.”  Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.”  

And to the second men sitting by the road who kept crying out to you for mercy, even though the crowd warned them to be quiet, You stood still and called them and asked in Matthew 20:32-34, “What do you want Me to do for you?” They said to Him, “Lord, that our eyes may be opened.” So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes.  And immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed Him.”

These questions seem odd since in both cases the blind men followed, pursued, and shouted out for mercy.  It seems obvious that in both cases they wanted their sight and believed You were able or they wouldn’t have been so persistent.  Yet, You never asked the first men what they wanted, only if they believed You were able? That direct question made them answer what was truly in their hearts and “according to their faith” it was done for them.

The second men clearly believed You were able or they wouldn’t have kept calling out to You in spite of the crowd trying to stop them.  So, why did You ask what they wanted when it seems so clear?  I think it was a lesson for the unbelieving crowd…

These blind men had never been able to “see and believe” a miracle with their natural eyes as did the multitude who kept trying to silence them rather than believe they could be healed and try to help them get to You.  They “believed without seeing” in the natural and “saw and believed” with spiritual eyes of faith!  By asking what they wanted You to do for them, You gave them a choice to ask for what they really wanted and valued. They could have asked for wealth as well as their sight, but they didn’t. They knew if they could see with their natural eyes and follow You, everything else would take care of itself. They knew what was most important.

This is convicting, Lord.  We can deceive ourselves into thinking that just because we follow You, we are full of faith.  Yet in our hearts we don’t always “see and believe.”  We see and hope maybe? 

Matthew 13:16:  But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.

August 9, 2020  (Post #46)

(From Journal #4:  March 22, 2006)

Lord, I believe You’ve got a revelation for me to study and document:  “Seeing is Believing.”  I immediately thought of John 20:29:  Jesus said to him, “Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” Jesus clearly said that those who would believe in Him “without seeing” evidence of miracles, etc., were blessed.  Help me to understand and grasp what you want me to “see” from this study.  I’m going to review as much scripture as I can about those who would “see and believe,” those who “saw and yet would not believe” and those who “believed without seeing.”  I’ll just start in Matthew with what Jesus said about our eyes…

“The eye is the lamp of the body. Therefore if your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!”  (Matthew 6:22-23) 

This almost sounds like an oxymoron, Lord.  How can light be darkness?  I think You’re saying that if our spiritual eyes are blinded by evil, then our natural eyes cannot “see” the truth, only deception.  So often the “spiritual leaders” were the ones who were filled with darkness and pride and rejected what they saw.

Jesus marveled at the centurion because he saw with spiritual eyes that Jesus had the authority to heal his servant by just speaking; he didn’t need to see any “proof” with his natural eyes.  Matthew 8:8, 10:  The centurion answered and said, “Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof.  But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed.”  When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!…”

When Jesus told the paralytic that his sins were forgiven and to pick up his mat and go home, the religious scribes were offended and called Him a blasphemer rather than “seeing” the miracle!  However, the people saw and believed.  Matthew 9:8:  Now when the multitudes saw it, they marveled and glorified God, who had given such power to men.

Lord, how many times have I seen Your faithfulness, and yet later doubted and feared from unbelief?  Seeing should be believing…

July 26, 2020    (Post #45)

(From Journal #4:  March 4, 2006)

This morning while reading the Bible, I saw something in Psalm 18 I hadn’t seen before:  Psalm 18:37-39:  I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed.  I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet.  You armed me with strength for battle…

This so spoke to me about the recent decision I had to make about whether or not to do another round of immunotherapy for non-Hodgkins lymphoma as the doctor suggested.  He also said that because NHL is “chronic” some doctors treat initially to “suppress” the cancer and then “wait and watch.” I remember what immediately sprang up from my heart and out of my mouth:  “I’m not interested in managing cancer.  I’m getting rid of it.”  

Oh Lord, this scripture confirms to me that I am rightly pursuing my enemy cancer and I won’t stop until it’s destroyed.  I refuse to accept that the enemy somehow has “permission” to stay and attack my body under the guise of “chronic.”  The enemy is crushed and beneath my feet because it’s beneath YOUR feet and I know who I am in You!  Your Holy Spirit living inside me provides the strength and power to fight this enemy to its destruction.  

Romans 6:20:  And the God of peace will crush Satan under your feet shortly.  The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

Ephesians 1:22-23:  And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.

June 20, 2020  (Post #42)

(From Journal #3:  February 12, 2006)

This morning I saw a pastor on TV who had been diagnosed with Hepatitis C.   Treatment options had been presented to him, and none without side effects and risks.  He believes in divine healing and found himself thinking his choices were:  “I either have to go through treatment OR trust God to heal me.” In his mind he felt that treatment would make him a “faith-failure.”  His very wise mother told him that medicines are for healing and the enemy is about death.  He realized that he had put You in a box by thinking he could only be divinely healed in a certain way, and saw that You give us many tools to use for healing, like medicines, supplements, diet, etc.  It wasn’t a question of medicine OR trusting God; it was treatment AND trusting God.  

Oh, can I relate!  I just went through this myself.  Last week I finished my 4th and last treatment of my 2nd round of immunotherapy.  I thought about how in Deuteronomy 30:19, You told Moses and the Israelites “… I have set before you life and death; choose life…” I chose to see this treatment path as a part of Your healing and took it in faith.  I also thought about Naaman and how his pride and stubbornness almost cost him his healing.  

2 Kings 5:1, 10-15:  Now Naaman was commander of the army of the king of Aram. He was a great man in the sight of his master and highly regarded, because through him the Lord had given victory to Aram. He was a valiant soldier, but he had leprosy.  Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, “Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.” But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage.  Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.  Then Naaman and all his attendants went back to the man of God. He stood before him and said, “Now I know that there is no God in all the world except in Israel…” 

May 17, 2020  (Post #40)

(From Journal #3:  January 7, 2006)

I started treatments again a few days ago, and I’m so grateful that I did not have the allergic reaction this time! When I saw the surgeon, he confirmed I do have a hernia but he does not want to repair it until he’s sure I won’t need to have surgery again for the lymphoma.  I’m believing I won’t. 

Lord, You brought three precious people across my path yesterday in the waiting room!  My heart especially ached for the older little man.  Oh, how You must love him!  I got to lay my hand on his arm and agree with him that he’s okay – healed!  The other man seemed so sad and tired.  Heal his body, Lord.  I shook his hand and told him I’d pray for him.  The lady who was sitting close by, I didn’t get to physically touch, but I pray she could feel Your Holy Spirit reaching out to her and the other two through me, and that Your healing power is working in all of them! 

It’s hard to believe it was one year ago today when I had the body scan that discovered non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Oh, how much has transpired, Lord!  What a journey we’ve been on and are still taking.  You are my healer; You are my everything.  I have learned so much this year and feel so much closer to You.  I’ve certainly not handled everything as I should, but Your grace and mercy have led me, taught me, and matured me.

Proverbs 12:25:  Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.

Ephesians 6:18:  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

1 Thessalonians 5:11:  Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.

Galatians 6:2:  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

May 10, 2020   (Post #39)

(From Journal #3:  December 28, 2005)

Since the ER visit, things have been moving pretty fast. I had a colonoscopy and everything was perfect; thank You, Jesus!  I also saw the oncologist and had yet another CT scan.  But there’s still nothing showing as the cause for the pain in my side?  My lymph nodes haven’t grown back any, but they haven’t shrunk further either.  For this reason, the doctor suggests another round of Rituxan and he scheduled it for January.  This afternoon I see the surgeon again because it appears I have developed a hernia at the surgery sight, so now I have this to deal with too.  

I know I am healed.  I always felt in my spirit that one round of immunotherapy is all that would be needed. What is Your will for me, Lord?  I don’t want to refuse treatment to “prove that I have faith” to others that I believe I’m healed. That would be about me, my pride, and stubbornness. That would be foolish and dangerous and isn’t true faith.  I don’t want to take treatments I don’t really need and risk side effects. But I also don’t want to refuse them out of fear of side effects. Help me make this decision based on faith and wisdom, not from fear, unbelief, or pride.

A few days ago, Pastor Rob emailed to wish us a Merry Christmas.  That opened the door for me to seek his counsel about what to do.  He helped me so much to put the confusion to rest.  You are not the author of confusion. I feel peaceful and confident about treatments.  I’ll take them with the same faith I did before.  This is about my FAITH IN YOU, not faith in my faith…

1 Corinthians 14:33:  For God is not the author of confusion but of peace…”

Philippians 4:6-7:  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Psalm 32:8:  I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.

March 8, 2020 (Post #30)

(From Journal #2:  September 7, 2005)

In Acts 28, Paul made it to the island of Malta.  All on the ship were saved because of him.  He gathered brushwood and as he put it on the fire, a viper driven out by the heat fastened itself to his left hand!  The islanders thought he must have done something to deserve it, that it was a punishment.  The people expected him to swell up and die, but when he didn’t, they changed their minds and thought he was a god. Paul had so much faith (fire) that he didn’t panic or fear the viper.  But Paul shook off the snake and suffered no ill effects! The people then knew Paul was different and that something special was on his life.  He then, through the power of Jesus, healed everyone on the island!  Then Paul did much traveling to get to Rome.  The Lord sent some brothers who invited Paul, Luke and the others to stay with them.  The Bible said that at the sight of these men, Paul thanked God and was encouraged.  Even though Paul had been through so much and seen God’s faithfulness many times, he still needed encouragement and God provided it! 

I see a parallel:  It was raining and cold.  Life can be such.  But when we fight back and build a “fire” in our heart with the Word of God, and keep putting “brushwood” on it by studying/meditating/growing, the vipers in our life will come out of the fire and attack us.  As Christians, the more we grow, the bigger the threat we are and the more the viper (satan, the enemy) wants to attack.  You see, if we don’t apply any heat, the viper remains comfortable and unthreatened.  But when heat (the Word, faith) is applied, he will attack.  And people are watching.  They’ll make assumptions about why things come against us.  They’ll blame God or think we deserve it somehow.  People expect the worst when you say “cancer,” but because of Jesus, I choose to shake off that cancer viper, praise God!  And just like Paul, You’ve encouraged me so many times, especially since the lymphoma diagnosis.  I am healed; I know it.  But during this journey, You have sent people to encourage me with a Word of confirmation You’ve give to them.  You bless me so, Lord!  Thank You so much!

Acts 28:5:  But he shook off the creature into the fire and suffered no harm.

Acts 28:15:  And from there, when the brethren heard about us, they came to see us…  When Paul saw them, he thanked God and took courage.