December 24, 2019 (Post #21)

(From Journal #1:  March 17, 2005)

I had my 2nd infusion a couple of days ago and it went well.  Thank You, Lord.  The biggest issue is lack of sleep.  It seems 3:00 a.m. is the “waking hour.”  As tired as I am, there’s something about the silence in the house in these early hours that helps me “hear” revelations from the Bible.  Matthew 11:12 is really speaking to me:

“From the days of John the Baptist until now:”  This time is Jesus’ life.  John (Elijah to pave the way for the Messiah) was 6 months older than Jesus.  Prophecy had stopped until John the Baptist and Jesus was the fulfillment of prophecy!

“The Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing:”  Jesus is the Kingdom of Heaven and He was “forcefully advancing” and fulfilling the Father’s will.  He suffered much violence and persecution, but His unwavering commitment to His mission forcefully advanced the Kingdom of Heaven through every obstacle.

“And forceful men lay hold of it:”  I believe the Word is saying “forceful” men will go after and pursue the Kingdom of Heaven, regardless of any persecution or opposition.  We should not be passive in our position or desire to be a part of the advancement of the Kingdom.  Go after the Kingdom.  Pursue the Kingdom.  Stand against the opposition and keep advancing.  I think of the woman with the issue of blood who pushed through the crowd just to touch the hem of His garment.  She did not let anything keep her from Jesus!

I relate this to my healing and fight against cancer.  Jesus paid the price for it. I will fight and stand firm in faith.  My study of Matthew shows action is required on my part:  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”  (Matthew 7:7-8)

Faith is not just something we have, but something we do.  It’s both a noun and a verb!

Mark 5:25-28:  Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.” Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?” But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’ ”And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”

December 15, 2019  (Post #20)

(From Journal #1:  March 8, 2005)

I had my first treatment today.  I had a scary allergic reaction early on but they got it under control and the rest of the infusion went well but slowly; it took about 6 hours!  I was so blessed to discover the treatments are once per week for 4 weeks, and not for months!  I’ll be done by the end of March.  

I am trusting and believing You that I will not need further treatments.  I am standing on Mark 16:18….and if they drink deadly poison, it will not harm them at all….  I am trusting this drug will only kill bad cells and leave the good cells alone!

I want to go back and continue to meditate on Matthew 11:12 and my study of Elijah and also Elisha.  I feel there is so much for me to learn.  Give me “ears to hear.”  I love You, Lord.  Thank you for being with me today and always.  Protect me from the evil one as Your Word promises.  I stand in faith that I am healed and no side effects of the treatment will come nigh me or harm me!

Psalm 91:9-11:  If you make the Most High your dwelling, even the LORD, who is my refuge, then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Hebrews 13:5-6  …because God has said,“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?”

Hebrews 4:14-16:  I hold firmly to the faith I profess and boldly approach the throne of grace with confidence so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help in my time of need.

Psalm 27:13-14:  I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

December 6, 2019  (Post #19)

(From Journal #1:  March 6, 2005)

I’ve been reading Matthew, and Matthew 11:12 jumped out at me:  “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.”  I am struck by the phrase “forceful men lay hold of it.”  I want to meditate and study this, and pray for revelation about what You want to show me, Lord.

John the Baptist was referred to as Elijah in Matthew 17:11-13.  Malachi 4:5 prophesies “Elijah” will come before the day of the Lord.  This is John the Baptist.  After Malachi, there were no prophets for 400 years.  In order to understand Matthew 11:12, I felt moved to study Elijah in 1 Kings 17. 

Elijah meets a widow who thought she was totally defeated.  She was gathering sticks to make a fire in order to prepare a tiny “last meal” for her son and her, and then to “die.”  He told her not to be afraid, to go home and do as she said, but first make a small cake for him, and then make food for herself and her son.  Elijah told her she would not run out of flour or oil until the Lord sends rain.  She did what Elijah told her and her supplies did not run out for many days.  This is in essence an example of tithing.  If we obey the Lord and put Him first, He will use whatever resources we have, no matter how small it seems to us.  He will magnify and multiply for as long as is needed.

Later the woman’s son became sick and he died, and she blamed Elijah!  But she is the one who had spoken death into their lives.  Elijah took the boy and cried to the Lord three times and the Lord brought him back to life!  Then the woman said to Elijah, “Now by this I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is the truth.”

Even though she had already seen and experienced a miracle from God, she did not really trust and believe.  When her son got sick, she did not remember His faithfulness in the past.  Trials come in our lives. We have to remember what the Lord has already done and have faith in Him to do it again. 

November 24, 2019  (Post #18)

(From Journal #1:  February 26, 2005)

I saw the doctor yesterday and my bone marrow is clear!  Praise You, Lord!  We went over treatment options.  We’re going to do an immunotherapy treatment called Rituxan.  I am so grateful not to do hard chemo and radiation!  I prayed for the doctor to have Solomon-like wisdom and I trust You are working through him.  I will take this treatment in faith.  There isn’t much data since it’s a new concept to take this drug alone, without chemo.  God’s data is perfect and I trust You, Lord.

The most amazing thing happened!  As I’ve been reading Your Word, Matthew 10:27 really spoke to me about the voice I heard whisper in my ear after surgery:  “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.”  And then, I started thinking about how Jacob wrestled with the angel of God and the angel touched his hip and wrenched it, leaving him with a limp.  As I meditated on Matthew 10:27 and this story of Jacob, I asked You if this pain in my shoulder was a confirmation for me to KNOW that what I heard whispered in my ear was in fact an angel, in spite of the diagnosis I had received?  I literally felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit in my body and then the pain was gone!  Lord, thank You!

I’ve been condemning myself for even telling anyone about what I heard since the diagnosis came back as lymphoma, and that I am a “bad witness” for You.  But You have given this amazing confirmation as to what I heard.  I may not understand, but I still believe the lymph nodes are benign regardless of the diagnosis.  I don’t care what anyone thinks.  I believe You and only want Your Name to be glorified as healer.

Hebrews 10:23:  “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.”

Hebrews 11:1:  “Now faith is the substance of what we hope for, the evidence of what we do not see.”

Isaiah 7:9:  “…If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.”

Psalm 119:116:  “Uphold me according to Your Word, that I may live; and do not let me be ashamed of my hope.”

November 18, 2019  (Post #17)

(From Journal #1:  February 22, 2005)

I didn’t hear from the doctor until yesterday, Monday.  The diagnosis is low-grade lymphoma.  I went to see him at 3:00 and had a bone marrow biopsy done.  It was awful!  But, You saw me through.  I go back Friday.  I stand on the promises of God that my bone marrow is normal!

I confess and repent some discouragement because I know I heard a voice tell me that day in recovery that it was benign?  I hold on to that even though I have been given a diagnosis of lymphoma.  I just read Romans 1-5.  Romans 4:19-22 really spoke to me:  “And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old) and the deadness of Sarah’s womb.  Abraham did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised.  And therefore it was accounted to him for righteousness.”

What does this tell me?  Even though I have had to face the fact of a diagnosis of lymphoma, I must not waver in unbelief.  I must still give glory to God and know that God has the power to do what He promised in His Word.  The diagnosis doesn’t really matter.  All that matters is God’s promise and His faithfulness and His power to heal.  Thank You, Jesus, for getting my eyes back on You alone.  I give you glory, Lord!  God has not left me nor forsaken me and He never will.  That is His promise.  

The moon was full again tonight.  It was one month ago today when we were in Arizona and the moon was so beautiful and comforting.  How appropriate that I saw it again tonight after such a bad day yesterday.

Hebrews 13:5:  ….For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

1 Peter 2:24:  …Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness – by whose stripes you were healed.

Galatians 3:13:  Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”)….

October 30, 2019  (Post #15)

(From Journal #1:  February 15, 2005)

It’s 10:30 p.m., and I’m finally in my hospital room.  Surgery was late and then the hospital was full so I waited for hours in recovery.  The blessing in that is the only room that became vacant was a suite on the top floor.  Thank You, Lord! 

The strangest thing happened and I wanted to journal about it before I go to sleep.  As I was coming out of anesthesia, someone leaned over my right shoulder and whispered to me, “The biopsy is benign.”  I just assumed it was the nice anesthesiologist who was positioned behind me during surgery.  I was so grateful to get a quick word and was just lying there and praising you in my mind.  

When John finally was able to come back and see me, he said the surgeon told him it would take a couple of days before they had the biopsy results?  I was confused and told him that couldn’t be right because someone had already told me the biopsy was benign?  Lord, I know someone told me it’s benign.  If not the anesthesiologist, perhaps an angel???  I am certain of it!  Thank You, Jesus!

I’m so tired and sleepy but I had to get all this written down.  I was up at 5:00 a.m. to spend time with You, Lord.  I read so many comforting scriptures on healing and  prayed them over my body.  And then to hear the whisper in my ear…praise!

Psalm 119:49-50:  Remember Your Word to Your servant, for you have given me hope.  My comfort in my suffering is this:  Your promise preserves my life.”

Psalm 119:116-117:  Sustain me according to Your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.  Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for Your decrees.

Psalm 119:175:  Let me live that I may praise You, and may Your laws sustain me.

Galatians 3:13:  Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written,“Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree…)

Isaiah 53:5:  But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.

(Journal #1: January 23, 2005) Post #9

Waited all day Wednesday to hear the results of the PET scan.  There was a 2^nd mass found behind my left kidney. Praise you Lord for revealing another “sneak attack” of the enemy.  No other suspicious places were found!  Praise!  I am so grateful for Dr. Duncan’s wise counsel.

Thursday, January 20^th was my 49^th birthday. I spent the whole day waiting by the phone for Dr. Duncan to call me with a recommendation for an oncologist.  He’d been in meetings but called as promised and gave me the name of a great doctor at Baylor.  He’s going to call him on my behalf.  Thank You for sending this precious man into my life to help me.

My Christmas present from John was a gift certificate to a local spa….the works.  I had put the certificate in the drawer of a kitchen desk. Forgot about it actually with all that’s been going on.  So, the day after my birthday I decided to use it; I certainly needed the relaxation.  As I was lying on the massage table, I was silently praying to You and thanking You for this opportunity to be pampered and to help ease the tension.  And I heard in my spirit,  “Your husband bought this gift certificate and paid for it in full.  All you had to do was take it and receive it.  But you put it in a drawer.  This is just like with the Cross.  I bore your sin and your sickness so you don’t have to.  But so many of you don’t take it and receive it.  It’s there waiting for you, bought and paid for.  But you have to receive it.”  

Isn’t that the truth?  Jesus, You did ALL on the Cross and yet we hold back and refuse to receive.  We blame You for what is missing in our lives and yet You have already done it.  We just haven’t done our part.  We have to take the “Cross Gift Certificate” out of the drawer and receive what You have already paid for!

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

(Journal #1: January 17, 2005) Post #8

Today I go for the PET scan.  I fasted yesterday and have been taking communion daily.  I am really understanding how powerful and reverent communion is and what it means to discern and recognize Christ’s body and shed blood.

Fear hit me some yesterday.  But Jesus, when I cried out, You reached out Your hand to keep me from sinking into a pit of fear.  You sent me three redbirds yesterday and I saw another one this morning!  You know how much I love them.  Their beautiful red color stands out among all the other birds.  It reminds me of Your blood, shed for my sins.  Every time I see one it makes me smile.  I feel as though You’re letting me know You are with me.

1 Cor 11:23-31  For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night He was betrayed, took bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”  In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death  until He comes. Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.  A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup.  For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself.  That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment.

(Journal #1: January 10, 2005) Post #6

It’s now 11:15 p.m. on January 10^th.  Good thing we had this lesson on faith early this morning. You opened a quick door for me today to get in to see the cardiologist so he can check things out and run some tests.  Shortly after, Dr. Duncan called to tell me the radiologist found a 3.5 cm mass close to my left kidney and I need to come back for another scan with contrast to rule out lymphoma!  My sister calls these kinds of experiences “gut punches.”  You are believing for things to turn out one way and then you get a hard punch in the gut. 

Oh, God, Your faithfulness overwhelms me! You shine Your light on the darkness. Dr. Duncan got me back in this afternoon for the second scan. He’ll call me tomorrow once the radiologist sees it. I know You are with me. I believe Your Word that tells us that by the stripes of Jesus we are healed!

But, Lord, I confess that fear wants to go to battle with my faith!  I must cling to Your Word and pray for peace that transcends all understanding.  I need to try and sleep.  Help my mind to focus on You and not fearful thoughts.

Psalm 4:8  I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

(Journal #1: January 10, 2005) Post #5

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

It’s easy to talk about faith and believe you have it when things are going great. But what is it really?  

Substance:  ultimate reality that underlies all outward manifestations and change; the real physical matter of what a person or thing exists; the choicest or most essential or most vital part of some idea or experience.

Hoped for:  anticipated; awaited, expected; desired; the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Evidence: your basis for belief or disbelief; knowledge on which to base belief; an indication that makes something evident; grounds, proof, obviousness; the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid.

So, Lord, Your Word and Your faithfulness are the substance (the vital part) of what I hope for (await), the evidence (proof, grounds) of what I do not see.

Faith requires waiting, doesn’t it, Lord?  You just showed me that in the example of Daniel.

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews: 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.